Archive for the ‘TV’ Category

What is WRONG with me?

So I posted a couple weeks ago about watching “Parenthood” (the TV series, not the movie) and about Christina having breast cancer.  This week she’s going for the surgery, and as I watch her reaction and everyone else’s, all I can think is that they’re being…I don’t know…way too worried.  From what the doctor on the show said, this is really early and she has a really good prognosis…and I remember when I had my breast surgery, the only thing I was afraid of was the pain I was going to be in afterwards, and of being put to sleep.   When the liver cancer was discovered in 2006, I was fine right up until a few minutes before surgery, then I got really nervous and anxious…not because of the cancer though.  The cancer doesn’t worry me, it doesn’t bother me.  It never really has.  There are days when it does of course…days that I cry because I don’t know what the future will hold, but those are few and far between.

I must be incredibly self-centered, or delusional…because the things I’ve been through are pretty serious, and yet I blow them off usually.  I’m rolling my eyes watching this cancer arc on one of my favorite TV series, because I don’t understand why anyone would be so concerned and focused on it.  Something is definitely wrong with me.


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I love the Ellen Show. She makes me smile so much, and its one of the few shows I desperately look forward to every day to get me out of my “house arrest,” even if its only for an hour a day. She’s offering a VIP trip to her 12 Days of Christmas, and I would love so much to win it. You can enter for yourself or anyone else at her website. So, if you don’t want to enter for yourself, please consider entering someone you think would be deserving *hint hint nudge nudge wink wink*. Seriously though, if you know someone you think deserves a trip, enter them! Not necessarily me, but hey, I can grovel right? ;)

This is what I wrote…its probably way too rambling but goodness, it’d take weeks to write out everything wrong with me LOL.

I have a blog at https://babblingbipolarbimbo.wordpress.com/  that explains so much more than I have time or space for here, BUT in the interest of expediency let me try to give you a brief rundown.

I’m a Gulf War Veteran (first one) and I think many of my medical issues are directly related to that.

I found out during a breast reduction in 1999 that I had cancerous tumors. Luckily for me, they were encapsulated and the doctors felt they’d gotten them all so I declined chemo/radiation (they were right too…no sign of breast cancer since).

I have three beautiful children, but have been pregnant 11 times. Not fun times. My kids are Jared, age 13, Katie, age 11, and Bekah, age 5. They keep me going.

After Bekah was born, I stayed sick. I never got “well”. I had some nasty symptoms…I thought maybe IBS was a factor. Finally, last year, when I started having bleeding issues and non-stop vomiting, I went to the doctor. Three weeks later I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I stayed there for almost 7 weeks and the hardest thing by far was only seeing my older two kids three times and my baby only twice. My family was told to make funeral arrangements. Diagnosis…Hepatacellular carcinoma…liver cancer. They removed 80% of my liver and I had terrible complications. I am still in chronic pain over a year and a half later, because 3 surgeries in 3 weeks left me with permanent nerve damage.

I got past the pain as much as possible and took the first job I could find (mine had been filled because I was out for so long), working as a cashier at Walmart during the holiday season last year. I did very well, even with the constant pain, and made Customer Service Manager this year. It didn’t last though.

I’m currently on medical leave from Walmart. Money is tight and Christmas is going to be hard for my kids this year, although we’ve determined that we WILL have the best Christmas ever because we’re going to make it that way. I posted about it on my blog with that post title, and I cried writing it because my two oldest kids are so very special. I’ve had a hard time getting seen by a neurologist because of circumstances beyond my control in 2001 and I was fired from my neurologist for missing too many appointments, and now none of them in that clinic would see me. Where we live, that clinic was pretty much the only medical option. I’ve since found another one and have an excellent doctor, so its all good hopefully.

You see, I started having “episodes” in September after my husband and I flew to and from Vegas for his job (he works at NASA here in Mississippi and they let me go with him this time). I basically collapse with no warnings. I look like I’ve been beaten up repeatedly. I have bruises all over and am too afraid to even to to church, for fear of collapsing and causing a scene. I’m definitely having seizures but they’ve progressed from the absence seizures I was diagnosed with back in 1999. I’m not allowed to drive, cook, or even walk out on my porch if I’m home alone. The cooking is because the other day I fell INTO the oven. Thankfully it was preheating and I wasn’t burned. I’m a prisoner in virtually every way.

I’m bipolar as well. All of the medical junk is NOT helping me there.

Being from New Orleans, and knowing the area, Ellen you know how hard we were hit by Katrina. Our entire area still suffers from that. I live in MS, but the eye of The Storm passed directly over us. That was…interesting…

I’ve had to lean heavily on my husband the past couple months because I fall so much and am in so much pain. Wednesday, for instance, I hurt my lower back pretty bad during a fall. Walking is difficult, and I can’t get comfortable. Regardless, I’ve had to get back into the swing of things and risk cooking and such. Why? My husband was helping his dad on his tractor Saturday and slipped and fell and landed on his side across the front end loader, and broke a rib. He’s in a lot of pain and unable to do much of anything. This is a man who had to be convinced to go for stitches when he almost cut his kneecap off with a chain saw. He doesn’t whine or complain, and if he takes pain meds and stays seated, you know he’s hurt bad.

I’m having difficulty getting benefits info from the military as well. The entire thing has just been so very disheartening to me, and I spend a lot of days in tears or raging because I can’t “escape” from this house unless I’m going to a doctor. Don’t get me wrong, I WANT to find out what’s wrong with me, and get help, but I’m so very sick of doctors and clinics and hospitals. They invariably want blood tests and IVs, and my veins are shot from the hospital stay last year. It literally takes 5-7 sticks to get three tiny tubes of blood because my veins keep collapsing. Every trip to the doctor is an experiment in torture.

My five year old has separation issues and is afraid of losing me. She “lost” me for 7 weeks last year, when she was only 3. She has emotional issues now and cries very easily and freaks out when I go back into the hospital or fall in front of her. My older two kids (from my first marriage) have had to shoulder way too much of a burden by trying to help me when I fall. It scares them, and my son especially is taking it hard.

We can’t afford satellite TV, so half the time I can’t even watch your show due to static. We have a nice antenna but can only pick up 3 channels decently, and NBC isn’t one of them (which stinks because its my favorite). I hate watching you and missing your funny comments because the screen goes snowy. The computer therefor has become my only “escape” from my prison here.

That said, your show has made my day so much brighter. I have laughed out loud so many times while watching you, more so than any other show I watch. I was upset watching you cry over Iggy. I love seeing glimpses of your life. I DIED laughing when you had Jenna Bush call her father.

Even if I don’t win the trip, and I’m sure there are others who deserve it so much more, I want the message to make it to you that you do make a difference, and I may only be one person, but I eagerly look forward to 10 am every day so I can watch your show.

I know this is long long long, but know that I only glossed over everything that has been going on with me. I’ve applied for SSI disability but am having a hard time getting everything together because I’m not allowed to drive. Hopefully things will come together there soon.

I hope I win your trip…but even if I don’t, know that you have made someone’s life brighter every day.

Keep on making people smile Ellen…it makes a difference.

~Kandy Smith

and yes, I DO get picked on about my name! I had to develop a standard answer in the Army because I was in mostly male units (I was a helicopter mechanic…not a lot of women like to do that type of thing!). Now, whenever I see a guy get “that look” like he’s going to try to say something funny about my name, I steal his thunder by saying “Yes, I’m sweet; No, I don’t know what kind of candy I am; and NO, you may NOT have a piece!” That pretty much leaves them with nothing to say

I never win anything…it would be so exciting if I were able to CHANGE that track record

Go ahead, you KNOW you want to enter too! And if you win, can I tag along?

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is that I’m getting to watch really old reruns of The Tonight Show…like from the early 1990s!!!  Its so cool seeing Jay Leno with BLACK hair…and the guests looking so young…and being reminded what a self-centered musician Branford Marsalis was…I thought he was SO COOL before he became Leno’s band leader…then I wondered what in the world happened…then I remembered the way he and his brother Wynton acted when they came and did concerts at USM back in the late 1980s, and I wasn’t surprised after all.

I like the Tonight Show.  I love Jay Leno.  I watch Conan because I only get a couple channels since we don’t have satellite anymore (money hog that it is) and nothing else is on.  I don’t really care for Conan’s style.  When he takes over The Tonight Show in 2009, I’m going to have to start watching *gasp* Letterman.  I don’t like Letterman.  He’s an unashamed liberal who doesn’t mind what tactics he has to use to make his more conservative guests look bad.  I think Leno is a liberal as well, but he’s a personable guy who doesn’t offend his guests or run over them or try to make them look bad.  He has disagreed with them, but in a friendly, affable way, and I like that.

I read that he may go do his own late night show on another network, possibly Fox, after he’s forced to leave the Tonight Show.  If he does, I’ll follow, definitely.  I hope NBC realizes its mistake with poor ratings.  Isn’t that petty of me?  NBC is by far my favorite network to watch…I love my NBC shows!!  I’ll defect for Leno though LOL.

Speaking of, here’s my weekly lineup :)

6:00 60 Minutes (CBS)
7:00 The Amazing Race (CBS)
8:00 ? Its football season lol

7:00 Chuck (NBC) I’m LOVING this show!
8:00 Heroes (NBC) Another favorite!
9:00 Journeyman (NBC) Yet another new favorite :)

7:00 NCIS (CBS)/The Biggest Loser (NBC)…whichever I’m in the mood for
8:00 the rest of The Biggest Loser (NBC)
9:00 Law and Order: SVU (NBC)

7:00 Deal or No Deal (NBC)
8:00 The Bionic Woman (NBC)
9:00 Life (NBC)

7:00 SURVIVOR!!! (CBS) *
8:00 CSI (CBS) *
9:00 E.R.
* During rerun seasons, I catch up on My Name is Earl, Scrubs, and The Office.  I love these shows, but I HAVE to watch Survivor since it doesn’t have reruns, and Justin hates The Office, so we always watch CSI.

7:00 Deal or No Deal (NBC)
8:00 Friday Night Lights (NBC)
9:00 Las Vegas

That’s about the extent of my TV viewing.  On the weekends, I watch whatever looks interesting on the other networks.  I love to watch PBS late at night…the other night I saw High Society, and another night, The Seven Year Itch, both for the first time ever.  They’re awesome movies!!!  NO bad language, no sex, no nudity, no truly raunchy humor, and I love movies like that.  Not too long ago I saw Brigadoon for the first time…another good one.  I also like the Nova shows and other educational shows on PBS.

So the writers’ strike has benefitted me…I’m getting to catch up on some shows I’ve been wanting to see, and I’m getting a glimpse back at the shows of years gone by that I thought I wouldn’t get to see again.  I do hope the writers’ strike ends soon…I think the profits should be more fairly distributed after all, but I’m going to enjoy the reruns while I can

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