Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

What a year. If anyone had asked, I’d have told them in a heartbeat that 2006 was the worst, and best, year of my life. Now I can say its been 2008.

I found out I would be approved for SSI disability…that the doctors couldn’t figure out why I’m falling…that I didn’t have a tumor or early menopause, but was in fact pregnant…and of course we all know how that turned out.

I never knew I could go through the things I’ve experienced, and still be halfway sane. I’d look at people who suffered trials of faith, trials of LIFE, and think “Thank God it wasn’t me, because I’d be a basketcase!” Be careful what you say, eh?

The pregnancy with Ruby was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Every little movement she made, every ultrasound picture, every change in my body, was bittersweet. There was the normal excitement, followed quickly and crushingly by the agony and despair of knowing that I most likely would never bring her home. Little did I know I wouldn’t even get to hold her and remember it, or kiss her goodbye. I hated every minute of it.

I loved every minute of it. Funny how life works, isn’t it? On the one hand, I was so ready for it to all be over, and on the other, I never wanted to let her go.

2008 turned into the year of Ruby Mae. She defined the year for me. It was the worst year of my life, and absolutely the best at the same time. I lost my baby, my very much desired baby, my beautiful sweet little girl…but I don’t cry for her…she’s happy and whole and experiencing that which we of faith all long for…I cry for myself. I cry for MY loss, for the things I can’t change or take back. I cry for the friends I lost over the pregnancy. I cry for the damaged relationships in my family over the pregnancy. I cry for what’s happened to my body and my health over the pregnancy. Do I cry for Ruby? Yes, but for her, its different. The only thing I would change would be to insist Justin stay by my side and not let them drug me…but they took him away and he couldn’t stay. I didn’t say I wanted him to stay, so they sent him away.

I cry with joy when I remember the good times…watching my belly grow…making new friends who were also expecting their own babies….discovering a wealth of love, support, and prayers from new friends here in “Blogland”…finding a strength I didn’t know I had… growing closer to my husband.

You can’t go back and change the past. The sooner 2008 is a distant memory, the sooner it will get easier on me. I pray for peace for myself, health and happiness for my family and friends, and for an even better 2009.

I wouldn’t have changed a single decision I made, not for the world.


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I’m missing church today.  I didn’t want to, but I suspected when I chose to go to the church’s annual Christmas auction last night, that I’d be overdoing it and miss church this morning.  We had a blast last night though…we were there about three hours, and had food and fellowship and just a lot of fun in general.  I even found a couple Christmas presents there :)

But today, yeah, I’m paying for it…migraine and major pains in my lower abdomen.  To be fair, I’d had issues with my abdomen all day yesterday…last night just seemed to aggravate it.

Justin had Brotherhood Breakfast this morning, so he and Jared were gone when I woke up.  I staggered into the living room to see what the girls were up to, and after settling comfortably into my recliner, I happened to notice that my wall was different.  Bekah found my Christmas card hanger back in the summer, and put it on the wall, where it stayed until this morning.  She loved it, and it didn’t hurt anything, so I left it up, and throughout the months she’d put different little things on/in it.  For instance, the most recent item of note was Bekah’s silk rose from Ruby’s funeral.

This morning I glanced up and the Christmas card hanger is gone.  In its place?  A blue frisbee that Bekah caught at the Christmas parade Friday night.  I commented on it, wondering WHY I have a blue frisbee hanging on my living room wall, and Bekah put her hand on her hip, looked me straight in the eyes, and in a very exasperated tone of voice, said “Mama, its a CHRISTMAS frisbee!!!”  She huffed off, as I, suitably chastised, wandered back to my bedroom to lie back down.  My migraine had just grown.

If you happen to see blue frisbees on walls anywhere during your holiday roamings, remember they’re CHRISTMAS frisbees, or you too could find yourself the recipient of a kindergardener’s ire

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Yeah, you read that right.  After a crazy Labor Day weekend, I need to think of a way to recover.  Let me explain.

 I worked 2:00-11:00 p.m. Thursday night.  Not too bad actually…it was rough because the computer messed up the schedules a couple weeks ago, and while our manager KNEW about it, he did nothing about it.  This is not unusual.   Why is it a problem?  Well the computer scheduled people who haven’t worked for us for weeks, if not months.  In addition, people were scheduled who had been terminated recently, and the new hires we had worked 1-3 shifts and never came back.  Who would under this kind of stress?  OK well *I* did but we already know I was desperate for a job and a reason to “live” again after almost dying last year.  But anyway, all in all, it wasn’t a *terrible* night…just a little rough.

 Friday, I worked 2:00-11:00 p.m. again.  Kinda sucked working that shift two nights in a row, but I’ve complained about my schedule enough.  Friday was the worst night I thought I’d had since working at Wal-Mart.  We were very short-handed, and management was unconcerned, other than screaming at us to find cart-pushers and cashiers.  We did the best with what we had, and we CSM’s left work drooping.  When I left at 11:00, we had overnight workers hopping on registers, and the lines were past the clothing.  It was crazy.

Saturday, I redefined my “worst night ever” at Wal-Mart.  I got there (3:00-11:00 p.m. this time), and was immediately put on a register, along with every other CSM on duty.  Managers were running our podium, and since my former front-end manager was doing the main running, things went REALLY smoothly (she knows what she’s doing).  After a couple hours, we had the lines down enough that the CSM’s were able to get off the registers…but the night got worse because the lines came back up and NEVER went back down.  I had no cart pushers (again) and hardly any cashiers.  Management was screaming that we needed buggies.  I looked a manager in the eyes and said if he wanted the buggies out of the lot and into the store, then he and the other male managers on duty were free to go push them in.  He stared at me in shock, started laughing, and rounded up the male managers and out to the lot they went…at which point *I* was in shock.  But hey, we got buggies into the store!!  Normally, when I leave at 11:00 p.m. we have 3-4 registers open.  When I left Saturday night, we had 12 open…and the lines were into the clothing.

 Sunday, I worked *gasp* 2:00-11:00 p.m. again.  How is this fair??  Especially when you see what time I worked Monday.  But anyway, I got to work…and Oh…my…Lord…it was the worst yet.  I had to close by myself after 10:00 (previously I had someone else with me until 11:00) and had it not been for the awesome CSM that left at 10:00, I would have been there past midnight or even later.  Once again, we didn’t have cashiers or cart pushers, and customers were beyond rude and impatient.  Who shops on a holiday weekend and expects NOT to stand in line?  I mean HONESTLY…I think every resident of the area decided to shop at Wal-Mart on Labor Day weekend.  I was so tired when I staggered out of there at 11:00 p.m. I forgot to clock out.  Oops.

Monday…Labor Day…I have to be at work 5:30 a.m. until 1:30 p.m.  I LOVE this shift normally…but not when its preceded by an 11:00 p.m. shift.  I got home around midnight…in bed by 12:30…and watched the clock change until it went off at 3:30 a.m.  I couldn’t for the life of me get to sleep because I knew I was only going to get three hours sleep at best, and just couldn’t get my brain to turn off.  Normally when I open, I take two Tylenol PM around 7:00 p.m. the night before, go to bed, read, watch a little TV, and manage to pass out by 8:30 or so.   This was the third time I’ve had to close then open though, and its so hard on me.  I did go ahead and take two regular Tylenol when I went to bed, knowing that I’d have a headache Monday, and sure enough, I sat up Monday and my head was already aching.  Add to that AF made her monthly visit on Sunday night (of COURSE) and I got to work Monday not feeling in the best of moods.  AF is not kind to me.  Sunday was ok, but Monday was not.  AF is VERY VERY heavy for me the first three days.  Yeah that’s nice.

So anyway, I get to work at 5:30 Monday morning, and realize there’s no other CSM until 8:00, and then after him no other CSM until 3:00 p.m.  Lunch and breaks were going to be almost non-existent.  I started crossing off all the cashiers that either weren’t employed by us anymore, or soon wouldn’t be because they hadn’t been showing up, and by the time I got off at 1:30, I had crossed off over half of the cashiers scheduled for those shifts in between.  The day was not looking to be a good one.  In actuality, we were “ok” until about 9:00 a.m. and then the crowds hit.  A manager came up and yelled at me to open every register…I told them (disguising their gender here) to manufacture some cash registers and cashiers to run them and I’d open them.  They looked at me then pointed to two registers and told me to open them.  I told them I couldn’t…they’d been broken for weeks and we’d tried to repair them and couldn’t, and had called NCR repeatedly and no one had come out for repair yet.  They told me to find some way to get the lines down, and I told them to feel free to find an available register and hop on it.  I was a lot nicer than that, but I was pissed and they knew it.  Next thing I knew, I had a lot of associates from the back of the store who knew how to run registers coming to the podium and offering their services so I could give my cashiers breaks.  I love that manager.  They could have busted my chops and instead went and found some help for me.

 I was dragging big time, headache had escalated to a migraine, and I was having to go to the restroom every 30-45 minutes due to AF (I kid you not…she is NOT kind the first three days).  I was hungry (my sausage biscuit combo I got around 9:30 was RAW in the middle of the sausage patty so I didn’t finish it), my head was killing me, I was exhausted, and I was getting disgusted at rude customers.  I literally had customers standing in line at every single register we had (we opened the two broken ones in the end…one we could take cash or checks only, the other we could not take checks on), and the customers are yelling at me that we need more help.  What the heck?  We had over 30 registers with customers and cashiers, every single register on the front-end was open…how did we need more help?  We were not this busy at CHRISTMAS.  I kid you not.  I worked all hours during Christmas (I was a regular cashier then), and we had bad lines, but NOTHING like this.  The customers were just making it worse by grumbling and griping.  I guess I don’t understand the mentality.  If I were in a hurry, I would NOT go to Wal-Mart on a holiday weekend, and if I had no choice, I certainly wouldn’t gripe and moan about them not having enough help when EVERY register was open and running.  Oh I’d gripe and moan, but it’d be at ME and my lack of forethought and planning.

 OK so maybe I just think I’d be that way…I’m not sure to be honest.  I do know that for years I’ve refused to shop at Wal-Mart during holiday seasons because of the crowds.  When I had no choice, I’d go in the middle of the night if at all possible.

 Regardless, it was the roughest weekend I’ve had yet, and its going to take me a while to recover.  Vegas can’t come soon enough!

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Happy Independence Day America! I love my country…if the National Anthem is playing, I’m standing, saluting, and singing along (even if it is just to myself). I’ve always been extremely patriotic, and I’m one of those saps that gets all teary-eyed when I see the wind catch the Flag and flutter it out, especially if the National Anthem happens to be playing at the time.

We’re a nation that has many liberties and many blessings…I pray for many more for many years to come.

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