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Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

So I had an appointment with the doctor I’ve seen in After Hours a few times and liked.  My regular family doctor is in Petal, and I just don’t get up there very often, so I really needed to find another GP here in Poplarville.  She treats Bekah, and we all really like her.  I went in for the shoulder pain…after eight or nine weeks, the pain is really getting to me and hindering daily things…can’t move my laptop around (ha), can’t scoop litter boxes without almost throwing up from the pain, can’t lift a laundry basket, can’t pick up a cat, etc etc.  I told her also what I’d found out from New Orleans, and given the shoulder pain, she ordered x-rays of my shoulder.  Then she listened to my chest and ordered a chest x-ray as well.

I need two surgeries.  My right rotator cuff is pretty much shot.  I got a copy of the x-rays to send to Ochsner, and even I could tell the difference between my shoulders.  I think I’m going to ask for an orthopedic consult at Ochsner, with the hopes that I can get both surgeries done at the same time and only have to recover once.  That might be too much to hope for though.

As I suspected, I ruptured my diaphragm for the third time.  I’m fairly certain I know when I did it too…I told Justin at the time that I thought I had, and started having the breathing difficulties not too long after.  I even get out of breath when I’m talking.  She said about a third of my lung space was compromised.  Looking at the x-rays, to me it looks like an organ, not my intestines up in there…in the past, when it was my intestines, there was a lumpy appearance on the x-ray.  This is a roundish shape, no lumps in the outline.  Considering where its at, I almost think its my liver, but I obviously don’t read x-rays for a living so until a doctor tells me what it is, there’s no way for me to know.  Its pretty weird looking at it though.

We have no word on whether the cancer is back or not…I won’t know that until I see Dr. C on the 26th.  They just won’t tell me over the phone what’s wrong…they won’t even tell me what they SUSPECT, so that of course has me freaking out a little.  However, I’m really hoping that this hernia issue is what has them worried.  Hernias, I’ve done.  Heck, cancer I’ve done…but a hernia is so much better than cancer lol.

On a side note, the little boy I’ve been following on facebook, Lane Goodwin, lost his battle with a rare childhood cancer a couple nights ago.  He was only 13 years old.  I can’t even imagine.  It was hard enough losing Ruby and I never got to know her…but to lose one of my children, whom I’ve loved, nurtured, laughed with, cried with…oh man.  Please keep his family in your prayers…he had a younger brother and I believe he’s taking it very hard.  Google Lane…you’ll see what an amazing kid he was…even as he knew he was dying, he was always smiling, and wanted to make a difference for other kids with cancer.  His facebook page just took off, with celebrities and people from around the world supporting him.  He got the word out and touched so many lives.  I hugged my kids extra close since he passed.

Tonight is Senior Night…Jared will be recognized on the field tonight as a senior and a member of the band…Justin and I will be on the field to present his trombone to him.  He’ll be recognized again during the soccer season, but this is the big night where the most fans will be in the stands.  I’m so proud of him…he’s grown into such a handsome young man, with a good work ethic (he’s worked at McDonald’s for over two years now).  He makes good grades and is well-liked by his teachers.  He’s compassionate and patient with younger children, especially those with disabilities.  Sure, he has some issues like most teenagers, but overall he’s a great kid and I’m proud of him.  Its hard to believe this is his last year in school.  After this year, he’ll go off to college, wherever that may be, and my role will change a bit.  I’m praying I’m able to make the transition gracefully.  Katie will be a senior next year…oh man how time flies.

And, tomorrow is Rebekah’s tenth birthday.  Was it really ten years ago that she came into our lives?  She’s almost as tall as I am…smart, witty, full of life.  Her Asperger’s, ADHD and anxiety have presented some challenges for her and for us, but she’s always so optimistic…she’s a real joy to parent and I can’t imagine our lives without her.  She wants a Halloween-themed birthday party, so we sent out invitations and we’re having it at the park Saturday afternoon.  My fear is that none of her classmates will come…last year was the first time anyone but family came to her party, and it was just one little girl, but it thrilled her so much.  This party, she’s so excited about…she’s bouncing off the walls and talking about how much fun everyone will have, and my heart is breaking because I don’t want her to be disappointed again.  We don’t have the money to really make it special for her…so we’re just going to make the best of it and make sure she knows how very much we love her.

So that’s pretty much what’s going on with us right now.  Its going to be a busy weekend, but I wouldn’t trade it for a slow one.  My kids mean the world to me, and these are the times I’ll treasure later on 🙂

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I’m missing church today.  I didn’t want to, but I suspected when I chose to go to the church’s annual Christmas auction last night, that I’d be overdoing it and miss church this morning.  We had a blast last night though…we were there about three hours, and had food and fellowship and just a lot of fun in general.  I even found a couple Christmas presents there :)

But today, yeah, I’m paying for it…migraine and major pains in my lower abdomen.  To be fair, I’d had issues with my abdomen all day yesterday…last night just seemed to aggravate it.

Justin had Brotherhood Breakfast this morning, so he and Jared were gone when I woke up.  I staggered into the living room to see what the girls were up to, and after settling comfortably into my recliner, I happened to notice that my wall was different.  Bekah found my Christmas card hanger back in the summer, and put it on the wall, where it stayed until this morning.  She loved it, and it didn’t hurt anything, so I left it up, and throughout the months she’d put different little things on/in it.  For instance, the most recent item of note was Bekah’s silk rose from Ruby’s funeral.

This morning I glanced up and the Christmas card hanger is gone.  In its place?  A blue frisbee that Bekah caught at the Christmas parade Friday night.  I commented on it, wondering WHY I have a blue frisbee hanging on my living room wall, and Bekah put her hand on her hip, looked me straight in the eyes, and in a very exasperated tone of voice, said “Mama, its a CHRISTMAS frisbee!!!”  She huffed off, as I, suitably chastised, wandered back to my bedroom to lie back down.  My migraine had just grown.

If you happen to see blue frisbees on walls anywhere during your holiday roamings, remember they’re CHRISTMAS frisbees, or you too could find yourself the recipient of a kindergardener’s ire

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I wish I had a picture to post of her, but I reloaded my laptop a couple weeks ago and haven’t put any pictures back on it yet.  I’ll try to get a quick snapshot of her with my laptop camera when she comes home from school :)

Its so hard to believe that six years ago today, I was recovering from a c-section and holding my little “elf girl” in my arms for the first time.  I called her that because of my children, she was the only one who was beginning to be born when she was delivered, and her head was all crinkly and ridged and funny shaped (I was used to the perfect, round, “c-section heads” of Jared and Katie lol), and her ears were pointed because of the way she’d been lying in the womb I guess.  By a couple months they’d rounded out, but for a little while I called her my little elf, my little fairy girl, etc.

Yesterday after her party at the park (just family) we were on the way home and Katie was asking her all types of questions out of a survey book, I think to see what her personality is or something like that, and when she said “Do you believe in magic?” Bekah said, with absolutely no hesitation and complete certainty, “Yep!”  To have the innocense and faith of a child would be a truly wonderful thing.

My baby is six years old today…and is taller than either of my older kids were at this age.  I suppose she’ll be as tall as I am by the time she’s 12, but that’s ok :)

Happy Birthday Bekah!!!!!!!!

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So today I went to the GYN to see about getting a hysterectomy.  Instead he came in and told me I’m 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  The ultrasound confirmed it.  The heartbeat sealed the deal for me.  I’ve never miscarried past 6-7 weeks except twice, and those two times were both due to trauma.  I swore I wasn’t pregnant.  Other than nausea and vomiting, I had NO symptoms…I’ve been pregnant so many times, I recognize the symptoms by now, and yes, the thought did cross my mind every time I threw up, but…dangit.  With the medications I’m on, pregnancy is NOT a good thing.  Serious birth defect type medication.  Doctor said the damage has been done already if any damage has been done.  So now we pray and wait.

Tomorrow I have to call my neurologist to find out what to do about my medications, and call my liver surgeon to find out if I’m safe to carry a child now.  The last pregnancy, I was less than a year out from surgery and it was dangerous and not advisable due to complications.  The ONLY way we’ll do a therapeutic termination is if they tell me I’ll die if I carry this baby.  Birth defects included…I’m pro-life, and if they tell me the baby has a defect or Downs Syndrome or whatever, as long as my life is not in danger, that baby will get here if I have anything to do with it.

I’ve cried all day.  I’m in shock, I’m mad at God, I’m mad at the world, I’m mad at the condom manufacturer…the nurses were laughing, as did the doctor, when I said I didn’t let Justin kiss me without wearing a condom.   Can you blame me?  I have a good dream and get pregnant.  *sigh*  I’m 38 years old, in poor health, and I’m terrified that I’ve harmed this baby with these medications.  I’m praying the baby is fine, and that if it isn’t, God will give me the strength I’m going to need to care for it.

On a side note, I puked the whole pregnancy with Jared.  I was nauseated with the girls, but never actually puked.  That being said, Jared is getting excited, hoping he’ll finally get his baby brother.  I guess I should have listened to my psychic 5-year-old last month when she told me I had a baby in my tummy *sigh*

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Jared put his school uniforms in to wash last night, and I reminded him as I went to bed not to forget to put them in the dryer before he went to bed.  He did.

This morning he put a pair of shorts and a uniform shirt in the dryer at 5:45 and at 6:25 only the shirt was completely dry.  He woke me up (the bus was due at 6:30) expecting me to either let him stay home or drive him to school at 7:30 (um…NO).  He had a little smirk like ‘yeah, I don’t have to ride the bus!’  I get up and check the shorts, and the pockets and waistband are pretty soaked, but the rest is dry.  He insists he can’t wear them this way.

I gave him “the look” and go into my bathroom, grab my hair dryer, stick it into the pockets, and in less than 3 minutes I had the shorts completely dry.  Did my son say “Great!  Fantastic!  Cool!  I didn’t know that would work!  Awesome!  Thanks!” or any similar platitudes?  Nope.  He had a disgusted, ticked off look as he left to get dressed and barely made it out to the bus in time.

I guess Mom failed to impress.

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Jared is worse…Bekah is now coughing…I’m still feeling weak (weaker today if truth be known), and Katie is coughing now.  Jared’s staying home today, Bekah’s had Benedryl, and I’m back in bed.  Please, Lord, let this all pass soon.  Hopefully Jared will start improving tomorrow.  If not, he may have to go back to the doctor tomorrow.  He’s built like I was at his age…thin as a board, and when he coughs his poor little body just shakes so badly.  It hurts me to watch him.  I’d have had him in bed with me if he weren’t too old, he was that sick last night.  We compromised and I allowed him to sleep on the couch instead, and I was up all night checking him.  Up until this week he’d only missed 2 days all year.  That’s out the window.  His temp is hovering around 101 (high for him and me, we tend to run low body temps, around 95-96, so even a temp of 100 means we’re pretty sick).

So if you could, keep the kids in your prayers, that Bekah and Katie don’t get worse, and that Jared improves and they all get better soon.  I don’t think any parent can stand to see their kids feeling miserable

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Justin just left to drop Bekah off at daycare…then he’s off to FL again until Friday…today my first baby, Jared, is fourteen *sobs*…Carrie’s daughter Ciara is 9 I believe, so go wish her a Happy Birthday, would ya? And, Mom is gone to the surgeon to find out if she has thyroid cancer or not. Thursday they wouldn’t let her look at the ultrasound this time, and they did last time. She was also sick all weekend after the doctor pushed on her neck, and she wasn’t last time. I’m really pretty worried about her. I’m not ready to lose my mom yet. After the surgeon appointment, she’s coming down here to stay with me for the week. I haven’t seen her in ages, so I’m excited.

Where have the last fourteen years gone? On one hand, it seems ages have passed…on the other, it seems as if yesterday I was holding this tiny little being in one hand (yes, he was that small) because I could. He weighed 5 pounds even at birth and was 18 inches long. I had a very difficult pregnancy…he was my 5th pregnancy and the doctor did regular ultrasounds…I had early contractions several times except when they wanted me to for tests, then I wouldn’t budge lol. Typical stubborn me. The last six weeks I had weekly ultrasounds because he wasn’t growing as fast as my doctor wanted, and the last week he didn’t grow a single ounce so I was told he had IUGR (intra uterine growth retardation) and he was being delivered that day. I left the office for the hospital in a state of shock. The night before I’d forced my husband to set up the crib, and I’d made it up, packed the diaper bag, complete with going home outfit, and when my husband’s ex-wife called, she did a rare thing, and did something really nice (lol). She talked to me for an hour and a half about her c-sections and how they really weren’t that bad (her first one was, as it was an emergency one), so when I found out I wasn’t able to be induced, but was going to have a c-section, my mom was the one who freaked out, not me :)

My dad made it to the hospital in record time with a video camera, and my husband took into the delivery room (after passing out when they gave me the epidural…to this day I give him grief over that…it was MY back they were putting it into, but then again, I didn’t have to SEE it so maybe I should be grateful). In typical Kandy gotta-be-dramatic-fashion, the epidural wore off halfway through the procedure, and I said “uh, I feel that.” The anesthesiologist leaned down and said something to the effect of I’d had an epidural. At that point I felt a really really sharp pain and I grabbed his scrubs, wrapped it around my fist and said in my best Linda Blair impression “I beg to differ!!” About that time my doctor yelled “Give her something!” At this point I don’t remember much else, but they gave me good stuff (I believe it was stadall or something like that) because the video gets HILARIOUS. On the tape, you can barely see me in the corner of the frame, and the anesthesiologist leans down and pats my shoulder and says “can you still feel pain?” and I said “Yeah, but WHO CARES?” in this totally loopy, high voice. Everyone laughed.

About that time, Jared’s head was delivered and he was crying almost before he was suctioned. There were extra doctors on hand for him because they were worried about him…they needed have been. He had very high APGAR scores…9/10. Can’t get much better :) The funny thing is, as soon as his hand cleared, he was flipping the bird. Yep, my baby boy, my angel, entered the world making a grand statement. *sigh* I mean, it was OBVIOUS. Even the doctors and nurses laughed. That one finger was sticking straight up and the others were perfectly curled.

When I heard him cry, I bawled harder than he did. I didn’t think I would, but I did. Something about hearing your child’s first cry, its oh so emotional. Its absolutely THE best sound in the WORLD. When they brought him to me, I was still high as a kite from whatever they’d shot me full of, and my first words about my little miracle, my beautiful baby, was…”Thank God he doesn’t have my nose…I was worried about that you know!”

Happy Birthday Jared Connor…you still light up my life fourteen years later

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