Archive for May, 2008

So today I went to the GYN to see about getting a hysterectomy.  Instead he came in and told me I’m 9 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  The ultrasound confirmed it.  The heartbeat sealed the deal for me.  I’ve never miscarried past 6-7 weeks except twice, and those two times were both due to trauma.  I swore I wasn’t pregnant.  Other than nausea and vomiting, I had NO symptoms…I’ve been pregnant so many times, I recognize the symptoms by now, and yes, the thought did cross my mind every time I threw up, but…dangit.  With the medications I’m on, pregnancy is NOT a good thing.  Serious birth defect type medication.  Doctor said the damage has been done already if any damage has been done.  So now we pray and wait.

Tomorrow I have to call my neurologist to find out what to do about my medications, and call my liver surgeon to find out if I’m safe to carry a child now.  The last pregnancy, I was less than a year out from surgery and it was dangerous and not advisable due to complications.  The ONLY way we’ll do a therapeutic termination is if they tell me I’ll die if I carry this baby.  Birth defects included…I’m pro-life, and if they tell me the baby has a defect or Downs Syndrome or whatever, as long as my life is not in danger, that baby will get here if I have anything to do with it.

I’ve cried all day.  I’m in shock, I’m mad at God, I’m mad at the world, I’m mad at the condom manufacturer…the nurses were laughing, as did the doctor, when I said I didn’t let Justin kiss me without wearing a condom.   Can you blame me?  I have a good dream and get pregnant.  *sigh*  I’m 38 years old, in poor health, and I’m terrified that I’ve harmed this baby with these medications.  I’m praying the baby is fine, and that if it isn’t, God will give me the strength I’m going to need to care for it.

On a side note, I puked the whole pregnancy with Jared.  I was nauseated with the girls, but never actually puked.  That being said, Jared is getting excited, hoping he’ll finally get his baby brother.  I guess I should have listened to my psychic 5-year-old last month when she told me I had a baby in my tummy *sigh*


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